How are those New Year’s resolutions going? You have plenty of company if you’ve failed or are flailing with your newfound commitments. By now, 25% of people have already long forgotten even making them. Another 65% will join them over the next few weeks. The good news is your failure is not a sign of weakness, lack of self-discipline, or willpower. The truth is, cosmically and scientifically speaking, you never really had a chance.
The Oxford Dictionary defines resolution as “a firm decision to do or not do something.” The early 20th century Russian mystic G.I. Gurdjieff stated we are merely creatures whose environment determines our responses. “We are not free either in our manifestations or in our life.” Just as our breathing and physical movements are mainly automatic, so are our thoughts and decisions. “Man is not capable of even the smallest independent or spontaneous action. The whole of him is nothing more than external influences.”
Stanford neuroscientist Robert M. Sapolsky’s fascinating new book, “Determined,” demonstrates that science now supports what Gurdjieff posited more than 100 years ago. A complex mix of genetics, influences (cultural, familial, etc.) and environment shape our brain chemistry. The foundation of this process is completed by the time we are 5 years old, with the prefrontal cortex, which involves decision-making, continuing to develop until our mid-20s. After this process is complete, our abilities are finite. Specifically, individuals can only develop so much willpower. You cannot will yourself to have more willpower.
So are we doomed to our plight, our fate? Fortunately, no. Sapolsky shows how change is possible through different stimuli and environments. Gurdjieff’s method is a change of consciousness. (While I highly recommend reading both Gurdjieff and Sapolsky, in the interest of full disclosure, neither are “feel-good, summer beach reads.”)
For most people, the changes we resolve to make every new year revolve around harmful behaviors. We either want to do more of what we should be doing or less of what we should not do. But as shown above, simply deciding is unlikely to result in change. We need to start by looking at why we engage in the behavior in the first place. Whether seeking or avoiding something, the habits we develop make us feel better. A positive feeling related to security (emotional, financial, physical, or some combination.) As a culture, we are obsessed with things that last, everything from good health to cars, from romantic relationships to happiness. But seeking security is in direct opposition to the impermanent world in which we live. Everything is constantly changing (see Pandemic 2020). Everything that begins ends.
Unable or unwilling to accept this universal truth, we become attached to the behavior providing this illusion of security. An attachment so strong that it leads to excess regardless of the negative, health, financial, or socially unacceptable consequences. As Jerry Garcia, the leader of the Grateful Dead (with a Ph.D. in excess), once said, “If it’s worth doing, it’s probably worth overdoing,” We delude ourselves into believing these desires are our reality.
Enter renunciation — “a formal rejection of something, typically a belief or course of action.” The First Noble Truth of the Buddha recognizes attachment is the cause of all suffering. Buddhist monks are said to renounce over 280 behaviors. (I’m suggesting we start with one, like lying in bed, eating ice cream from the container while doom-scrolling on your phone at 11 p.m.) The reason monks renounce sex, liquor, etc., is not out of any moral obligation or fear of eternal damnation. That came centuries later when most organized religions realized fear effectively kept the flock in line. As American Buddhist Nun Pema Chödrön points out in “When Things Fall Apart” (spoiler alert: things are always falling apart), “The Buddhist monastic rules are not pointing out that those things are inherently bad or immoral, but that we use them as babysitters. We use them as a way to escape: we use them to try and get comfort and distract ourselves. The real thing we renounce is the tenacious hope that we could be saved from who we are.”
So next time you are thinking about making a resolution and enduring all the self-flagellation that comes with its almost guaranteed failure, maybe stop and look at why you are doing something in the first place. There is a high probability that it has something to do with how it makes you feel. As any doctor or good auto mechanic can tell you, rather than just treating the symptoms, you have a better chance of resolving a problem once you determine its cause. You can then abandon the “quick fix” of immediate gratification and explore alternative means (meditation, exercise, education, socialization) to get the same effect.
Albie Cullen, attorney and licensed assistant alcohol and drug counselor, is the director of adult services at Positive Action Against Chemical Addiction, Inc. in New Bedford. He has published one novel, “Drown,” and several articles in Apple News and other outlets.